Boundary Barriers
Boundaries is often a topic clients are interested in discussing in therapy sessions. Which of course makes sense because often our relationship issues are related to boundaries.
Below are some things we do that work against our boundaries.
We aren’t clear when we communicate them
Don’t clearly state what we want, need or expect.
Share it with someone else, but not the person who needs to hear it
Are passive and ignore the issue
Act passive aggressive by making it clear something bothers us but don’t address is
Explode in aggressive comments and behavior
We don’t follow through on the boundary
When the person violates our request, we let it slide
Ignore the behavior after we set a boundary
Avoid the discomfort of addressing it again
Make excuses for their behavior
Doubt our initial boundary
We allow our guilt to dictate our behavior
Don’t set boundary because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
Afraid of the other persons’ reaction
Feel like we’re being mean, too harsh or not flexible
Think we should always be available or a helper
Doubt that we (or the relationship) are worth the boundary and accompanying guilt
Can you identify yourself in some of these behaviors?
Are there situations or people that come to mind where some boundaries may be beneficial?
They can be quite scary! Especially if you have a history of trauma, abandonment fears, anxious attachment style or people pleasing behaviors. Although scary, not impossible! There will be discomfort and yet that does not have to stop us from following our values and authentic self.
A helpful resource I recommend for practical ideas on all things boundaries is this book! This author and therapist, Nedra Tewwab, also has free resources on her site. Be sure to check it out for further support!
You can do this. Your wellbeing and relationships are worth it!